Confession: I still struggle with worthiness
Cringing Confessions from the mind of an Energy Healer; before Energy Healing.
A new blog series about the thoughts of an Energy Healer: before Energy Healing.
I wasn’t raised in a spiritual or new-age household. I was a firm skeptic. This blog series is for people like me.
Whether you are at the start of your healing journey or you’re reflecting on how much you too have changed, I hope this series inspires you in some way.
It can be intimidating to embrace the “weird” world of Energy Healing. Please know that you are not alone. When you’re ready to suspend disbelief and reclaim your emotional freedom, without judgement or difficult conversations, The Introvert Healer is here to help.
Read on or Book Your Distance Energy Healing Session Now.
To your success and happiness,
🌺 Maryann Whitelaw
Certified Energy Healer | Self-development Enthusiast | Introvert (INFJ) | Spiritualist | Heart-Centered Solopreneur
Ongoing healing journey
Feeling unworthy is like carrying an invisible weight on your shoulders, a constant fear that you are somehow “less-than”.
Less likeable. Less talented. Less deserving of kindness or respect.
These limiting (and completed false) beliefs colour your thoughts and interactions with a filter of self-doubt, leaving you questioning your abilities, worth, and purpose.
I often share how Clearing my Heart-Wall and starting my Journey to Health were only possible because I reclaimed my self-worth.
Now, after 3 years of dedicating myself to emotional healing and self improvement, I have noticed self-doubt thought patterns are trying to return.
Reminder: Be kind to yourself too
Are you an encourager? I am.
I see so much value, potential and beautiful light in other people. I cheer them on with an open heart. I genuinely want other people to be happy and feel empowered to pursue their dreams.
As soon as someone I know has the courage to share an idea or dream with me, the first words out of my mouth are: “You will be so good at that!” followed by a list of the skills and qualities I know they currently have, which they could easily transfer into the new career or activity.
And when they do start:
I reassure them when they have doubts or hit barriers.
I challenge any negative comments they make about themselves.
I celebrate their successes with them and if they’re ready to set another goal, I say “Of course you can do it!”
Why can’t I do the same for myself?
Introspection: An introvert’s most versatile tool.
New Skills, Old Doubts
If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you are probably aware that I am relearning how to roller-skate.
I loved skating as a child! My parents would drop me off at the roller-skating rink by myself for the 3 hour Sunday skate session.
Sometimes I’d make new friends. Often I wouldn’t.
Often I’d fall over. Sometimes I wouldn’t.
But it was always a lot of fun and I loved debriefing my mum on the way home after the skating session.
I have no clue when or why I stopped skating. Perhaps it is another one of my Repressed Memories? I don’t know. But when I started my weight loss journey, one of my wellness goals was to get back onto roller-skates.
After a 25 year break, roller-skating is equal parts fun and terrifying.
Since starting a month ago, I’ve clocked in about 30 hours of practice and I have only fallen 5 times (so far 😉) but I noticed something…
I only share my failures
I have hours upon hours of video from my skating practices. I think I’m progressing well towards been a capable and confident roller-skater.
Yet I only share clips of myself wobbling, falling and looking foolish.
As an introvert, introspection and self-assessment is a powerful tool. So I asked myself: why am I only sharing my failures?
The answer was a confronting and difficult admission that:
I think everyone secretly hates me
Still.
After 3 years of working so hard to rebuild my self-esteem, overcome social anxiety and reclaim my worthiness, I’m still playing small and humbling myself.
I still worry that celebrating my successes gives people more reasons to hate me. It arms them with evidence that I am self-obsessed, that I do live in a dream world, that they are right to judge me.
I tried to justify this to myself as “Oh no, I’m just trying showing that I’m human.” But the truth is I’m still editing how I show up in the world, to protect other people’s feelings.
As if showing myself in pain will make me more likeable. Talk about a false belief!
At an intellectual level I know that I will never be liked by everyone.
But at an irrational level, I think “I will always be disliked by everyone.” Ouch.
I’m looking forward to healing this!
Is this an area you are also working on?
Here are the steps I am planning to take, and which I hope will also benefit you on your healing journey:
Reading positive self-development books by women who have also overcome their self-doubt. My favourites:
’Believe It’ by Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie Kern Lima is resilience personified! Be inspired by her persistence and courage in the face of overwhelming rejection. [I’ve also pre-ordered Jamie’s upcoming book ‘Worthy’ which will be released in February 2024]
‘Unsinkable’ by Sonia Ricotti. I love when Sonia has her AHA-moment of “I’m not going through all of this for nothing!”
‘Judgement Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein. Gabby honestly assesses her own struggles with judging herself and others. This book invites readers to follow a process of mindfully acknowledging our own judgement, without judgement.
Daily meditation.
Journaling and introspection.
Physical movement to release energy naturally.
Energy healing sessions focusing on improving self-love and self-worth.
